counting the Omer Week 3 Balance in the Breath of Compassion



This week, I remember the silence within. 

Day 15 
My world is filled with the spirit of love. 
I am blessed with friendships.  I spent the afternoon with Harvey, Lydia, and Iris.  We met Jeri at the ballet.  We laughed and enjoyed the ballet in common.  In the evening we gathered around Amy's table to enjoy dinner, wine, and conversation.  I don't need to be alone, not ever.  My world is filled with the spirit of love, I have only to be open to receive it and I can only receive it when I give love to others; those I know and those I don't yet know.  

Day 16 
I awaken to a deep inner compassion. 
Deep inner compassion.  I'm not sure what that means.  Today I was kinder to myself, less driven to complete more tasks, more open to healing and resting.  This inner compassion is about being compassionate to myself .  That's a big one.  Being compassionate to myself.  This evening Sierra, granddaughter, and I had a discussion about goal setting and decided jointly that the best goals for her at this time of upcoming transitions is to set "balance" and "intention" as her goals.  Mine too as I learn to become compassionate to myself as I continue my journey.  

Day 17 
In the Light of the Heart I am One. 
The heart light opens me to receive, to leave my separateness and isolation and to move forward, toward others.  On this day I don't feel disconnect, or at least I try not to be so disconnected.  It is a struggle, ongoing.


Day 18 
I am filled with blessing. 
Today I counted my blessings.  Family and friends who love and care for me.  A home I love and a new one I will love.  Money in the bank, personal resources thanks to my education, my mental abilities, my ethical character.  I am blessed with cousins, an aunt, children who are precious, each unique.

Day 19 
I see more clearly. 
Today, sadly, we welcomed another friend into the widow's club.  That's what Saran said to me at her husband's funeral.  This is a club we don't want to grow.  I want each wife to hold her husband with fervor, even if he is sometimes a jerk.  I am happy to have loved Stu so well, to hold him so dearly.  Deep grief is a consequence of deep love.
In the evening I attended the Rosh Chodesh class, this week on ethics.  The question, can we have an ethical, moral code to follow if there is no god, or we don't believe in god.  Perhaps not, although my initial response was that there are ethical people who profess not to believe in God, but is right or wrong, evil or good, a God question or a man/woman question?

Day 20, 
I share compassion with all I encounter. 
I didn't do very well today.  I was feeling blue, sad, missing Stu and at those times I tend to withdraw, just when I should reach out.  I had to remind myself to stop what I was doing (working at stitchers) to listen with full attention to another, to stop for a hug with Fern (another member of the widow's club).  I know that when I am open to having compassion for others I have more compassion for myself, more acceptance.

Day 21I am blessed today.  
This was a difficult day, when I even pushed myself to reach out and realize that I have to do that more.  I am blessed because I have so many choices, so many people to call on who really like me.  I think I can say that-they like me, they really like me.  How blessed is that?
I also have to honor the sadness within me, how much I am missing Stu.  And how I am realizing that my connection to Judaism is truly through him.  I now have to see where my connection goes without Stu to lead the way.  Thank you Stu for loving me. 


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