Aging Wisely: living today, preparing for tomorrow

My beloved husband Stu passed away, quite unexpectantly, on August 23, and I've been grieving my loss.  It's been seven months and I thought the grief would be with me forever, until it isn't. This past week I went on a short mahjong cruise with some women I know briefly and one friend from childhood, Marcy.  The trip began sadly, first cruise without my husband, but ended amid gales of laughter, shared secrets, a pledge "What happens or is said on this cruise ship, stays on this cruise ship." Shortly after arriving home I realized that there is much life ahead of me, much good life.  It will be a life without Stu, but a wonderful life nevertheless.  I am so surprised by my own change of mind/heart.  I feel a bit disloyal to Stu's memory although I know fully that he was ready to let go.  His eye sight was failing, he'd been in pain for several years, more serious surgery lay in his immediate future.  Stu didn't believe his future would be a valued o...

Thank you to author Gail Blanke for her wonderful book "Throw Out Fifty Things".   Although the focus begins with clearing out your stuff, a road I've been on with a vengeance, Blanke also writes about getting rid of emotional baggage, people who no longer support your life in a positive way, and more.  In brief, Gail's advice is about throwing out fifty things.  Note a crate full of books only counts as one thing no matter how many books are in that crate.  Thus, to throw out 50 things, different categories of things, takes a lot of throwing. I've been well on my way to downloading stuff from my closets, cabinets, drawers, counters, etc, but I stood up and paid attention to Gail's message about letting go of old hurts and angers.  Gail retells an anecdote from her childhood which I have been repeating numerous times, the water metaphor. As a young child, about 9, Gail went to a birthday party but came home in tears.  When her mother asked what she was cr...

First Home Purchase On My Own--Ever What a week.  I purchased my first home, a condo in a 55 plus development where I already live in a house.  Every other home purchase has been with a spouse, shared decision making, bouncing ideas and costs off of one another.  This week was different.  Although I did consult with friends and family, the decision was mine alone--and it was down right scary. Another reminder of the loss of a mate, a lifelong buddy, partner.  I've been filling in with girlfriends, of whom I have several terrific ones and more I can cultivate.  But when we get down to signing the papers, it's only me.  If I make a mistake, it's only me.  We are not created to go through life alone. Over the past few weeks I have been more tuned in to how many people do precisely that, go through their lives essentially alone.  Perhaps it's just lack of siblings and extended family, inability to develop social skills, to read social cues ...

The Perfect Storm - Challenges without end Aunt Roz is 95 years young/old.  She's mentally sharp, although her patience gives out more quickly than in the past.  Physically she's only slightly frail using a cane for balance, sometimes reluctantly pushing a walker.  She fights every slight loss of more independence.  She struggled against giving up her car, but wisely made the decision at 93 that it was time.  She bemoans the independence she lost as a result of no longer driving herself about town.  Today was a bad day, the perfect storm.  Roz's Verizon flip phone lost all of her contacts.  Not only the important family and long time friends, but all of her increasingly important doctors.  After three frustrating hours with customer service the best they could do was locate her info in the cloud, somewhere, but still unable to return the contacts to her phone.  Late into the night Roz copied contact info from her handwritten address ...

Let the Journey begin! February 20, 2019 I tried waiting until the perfect time to begin this blog, and days went by, then more days.  There is no perfect time, there's only today.  So today is launch day. I am a 74 year old widow, in very good physical health and still grieving for my beloved husband who passed away in August 2018.  The roots of this blog, however, began way before his unexpected passing.  Fully retired from multiple careers, the last as an education consultant, children all grown and settled, what comes next.  And from that very big short question my personal exploration began. How do I take the years of wisdom I've acquired, the healthy body I've been careful to maintain, and ride (sometimes it's walking, sometimes maybe galloping) into the future as an active, relevant, contributing adult?  And that's the challenging--to remain relevant, informed, interested and interesting, continuing to learn and be engaged.   Aging is l...