I'm not water

Thank you to author Gail Blanke for her wonderful book "Throw Out Fifty Things".   Although the focus begins with clearing out your stuff, a road I've been on with a vengeance, Blanke also writes about getting rid of emotional baggage, people who no longer support your life in a positive way, and more.  In brief, Gail's advice is about throwing out fifty things.  Note a crate full of books only counts as one thing no matter how many books are in that crate.  Thus, to throw out 50 things, different categories of things, takes a lot of throwing.
I've been well on my way to downloading stuff from my closets, cabinets, drawers, counters, etc, but I stood up and paid attention to Gail's message about letting go of old hurts and angers.  Gail retells an anecdote from her childhood which I have been repeating numerous times, the water metaphor.
As a young child, about 9, Gail went to a birthday party but came home in tears.  When her mother asked what she was crying about, Gail said it was because one of the little girls doesn't like her.  And how do you know she doesn't like you, asked Gail's mom.  Because everyone told me she didn't like me, the young Gail replied.  Mom wisely responded, The only thing I can think of that everyone likes is water.  That's because water has no taste.  As soon as you add fizz or flavor some people will like it and some won't.  Do you want to be like water?
And that has been the beginning of a remarkable understanding leading to letting go of a situation that has been painful to me for nearly 20 years.  My son cut me out of his family's life.  I don't know his four children (who I hear are fabulous women), have no contact with his wife and correspond with my son only on birthdays and mother's day.  For all of these years I have begged forgiveness, even without knowing what I did that caused him and his wife to cut me off after I had been part of their twin daughters lives until they were about 3.  I don't know what started the break, have never been able to get any answers beyond, "I don't want to talk about it."  Maybe it is only that I am not water.  Not everyone will like me.
I'm letting it go.  And for the first time I feel free and okay and not a bad person.  Whatever I may or may not have done, the prison sentence is up and I'm walking out of jail into the joy of all my other grandchildren and children, and even step children.  Thank you Gail for giving me the vocabulary to think through this issue, for understanding that not everyone will like me because I am not water and for pushing me to "let go."
Now take a deep breath and say "Ohm".

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