Counting the Omer: Week 7 Malchut--the Material World

49 Days of Intentions: A Healing Journey

The Foundation for the Seventh Week

Beginning the evening of Saturday, June 1, 2019

Malchut — The Material World

Our final week of this journey on the Kabbalistic Tree of Life focuses at Malchut, the base of the central pillar, the level of the Tree that receives from all others. Energies from the higher sefirot manifest here, but they are hidden within what appears to us as the material world. This is where we can lose ourselves, and it is also the place in which we must find ourselves.

Malchut represents the "kingdom" where we live, and encourages us to become more open to the wonders of this place. So we seek to quiet ourselves in order to pay more exquisite attention to the myriad of impulses — physical, emotional, mental — with which each moment is filled. In this material world, the spiritual awaits realization.

This week, I open to the fullness of my life.

  • Day 43 Focus

    beginning the evening of Saturday, June 1
    I know my world is blessed with Love. 
  • Stu has loved me so deeply and he is with me still.  He sat beside me at this evening's concert.  Of all of the music played, much we have enjoyed together.  During the playing of some songs from HAIR, one of Stu's favorites, I understood part of  his charm.  Stu lived in the moment.  In '68 he protested the VietNam war, he wasn't a bystander, he was fully engaged.  And in '69 when Hair was produced, he was Hair, he was the age of aquarius, he was pot and free sex and protest and anti-establishment and in the establishment.  Living in the moment.  When Charlie said that Stu lived above his means, he was just living now.  When he was a dad, he was fully a dad.  When he was selling hardware, he sold hardware not thinking this is an interim position, on my way to being someone else.  He was in the moment making each moment count and milking it.  I lived so much of my life unhappy believing that the next episode would be better, or at least different, and failing accordingly to make note of today.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you to all for loving me.  I will continue to work toward being worthy of that love.

  • Day 44 Focus

    Beginning the evening of Sunday, June 2
    I honor what appears as light and shadow in my world. 
  • Sunday, how did I get so caught up in my current life that I forgot the count. So here I am on Monday evening catching up.  I feel very tuned into my world, this world and Stu's world as well, and even in some ways to the worlds of the people around me.  I feel present to what is happening, perhaps not in the world events, I'm barely attending to the news, but to my immediate world:  To my daughter, granddaughters, friends, neighbors, and to myself.  I am accepting, even what might at other times feel like shadow, is only another example of light.  
  • I saw a movie this afternoon, Rocketman, Elton John's story--his deep sadness of never feeling loved, except by his Nan.  Of searching for approval, for trying to be even more than he was and his descent into drugs and alcohol.  And now his ascent, alcohol free for 28 years.  That's a life of light and shadow.  i don't know what I will do with the dozens of journals I have accumulated.  Are those journals what I want my children to know of me, or should I read each and post a blog of my findings, leave the blog to my children.  What do I want them to know of me when I'm gone.

  • Day 45 Focus

    Beginning the evening of Monday, June 3
    I find blessing now.
  • I am indeed blessed and excited and lighter.  Today I listened to another version of another book on downsizing, Letting Go by Peter Walsh.  And I continue to let go and find freedom and lightness and space for what is happening next in my life.  It's very exciting.  I let go of a painting Royce gave me in 1962 and which I have carried and hung in every home since that time.  It's lasted through 3 husbands and its time has come.  It no longer brought me joy or interest.  Christine let go of the mosaic mirror that I've had since the early 80's and my showroom, it was time.  That, and the reading, gave me the motivation to let go of the Ethiopian painting as well.  And it was good and will continue to be good and free.  I continue to feel blessed.  
  • It is interesting to me that as I am excited and interested in moving to the condo and in the people around me, I am also feeling more connected to Stu and missing him so much.  I want to share with him my continued growth and new understand, of myself and of him.  I am not looking forward to releasing his soul at the unveiling.  I find some comfort in knowing/believing that he hovers about me.  I love you still, Stu, my beloved.

  • Day 46 Focus

    Beginning the evening of Tuesday, June 4
    I breathe in the vital energy all around me.
  • What a beautiful way to conclude the day--a study session at the women's circle where we began to examine and discuss Ethics of our Fathers.  I learned so much, enjoyed the women's company.  I felt enriched by their experiences and knowledge, and the unfolding of new information each at our own level. 

  • Day 47 Focus

    Beginning the evening of Wednesday, June 5
    I celebrate abundant beauty here. 
  • Today is the first day of the next chapter of my life.  The movers came and installed the furniture and nearly everything fell into place just as I had planned it.  The condo works.  There's a few bugs, but it is beautiful and abundant.  There's greenery everywhere I look, beautiful art on the walls, furniture and floor, and ample space for everything I need.  It is good.

  • Day 48 Focus

    Beginning the evening of Thursday, June 6
    I live fully in my world. 
  • If living fully means working on getting your life in order from dawn to dusk, then I am living fully.  Today I was driven to do but not to do just for the sake of busyness, "do" for the sake of being.  To be in my space I have to leave the past space and move forward, or just move along since going backwards is not an option.  I don't know why I'm forcing myself to be fiercely independent, to do it myself, my way.  Is that living fully?  Not very settled today, and after seven weeks I'm sad.  But so much has happened during this time.  I have bought a condo, sold a house, purged 2/3 of my belongings, and more to come.  reexamined my life and Stu's and learned so much about him.  Strange that I feel very close to really hearing him now.  I love you Stu.

  • Day 49 Focus

    Beginning the evening of Friday, June 7
    Here I am. 
  • Here I am.  Just me and all of those wonderful people in my life.  Those who love me and wish me well, and perhaps even those who don't (after all, I'm not water and not everyone is going to like me).  I have come through this very trying, life transforming time of selling my beautiful home that Stu and I enjoyed together, buying, remodeling, and moving to a lovely condominium.  Purging many things that wouldn't fit, were no longer needed or wanted, hadn't been used in a long time etc. etc.I've kept the memories that continue to bring my life into focus, past, present, and perhaps even future.  I'm ready to go forth and reinvent myself once again.  I am so blessed to have such a rich, full life with so many options and so much to look forward to.  I have enjoyed counting the Omer for the first time, thinking internally, facing tomorrow, growing with the challenge, feeling grateful every day for all of my life--even the loss of beloved Stu.  Thank you universe.  

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